How to Listen

·         Listening to parents:

 “To be human is to speak.  To be abundantly human is to speak freely and fully.  The converse of this is a profound truth, also; that the good listener is the best physician for those who are ill in thought and feeling.” (Johnson, 1956, p.20)

Effective involvement of parents in the educational process requires consistent planning and communication.  Good listening and conferencing skills are critically important for working with parents.  Parents want professionals to communicate to them without jargon, and they want to feel at ease with attending a conference.  Parents want information about their child’s social as well as academic behavior, and teachers need to be prepared to share this information through conferences, meetings, or telephone conversations.   Teachers should obtain as much information from parents as is necessary to plan educational programs for their children in their classrooms.  Teachers should establish early contact that is comfortable and nonthreatening to parents, using effective human relations skills.  Teachers should give parents the information they need to work cooperatively with the teacher toward common goals for the children.  Teachers should plan cooperatively with parents which could prevent, alleviate, or solve many problems that arise throughout the child’s educational progress.  Developing good listening skills is important as a teacher. 

There are two classifications for listeners; listeners and non-listeners.  Out of the classification of listeners, there are passive listeners and active listeners.  The passive listener nods the head slightly, and maybe smiles, to let the other person know it is all right to talk.  The passive listener is “there” and “with it.”  A teacher who is not a passive listener but who would like to try to become one may find the role uncomfortable at first.  Nature abhors a vacuum, and the teacher usually can fill silences faster than parents can.  The teacher may want to practice in the teachers’ lounge before venturing into the playing field.  There are also active listeners; the active listener is someone who is involved actively in helping another person identify and clarify his or her problems, beliefs, and value system.  They can feel the ‘rhythm’ of the conversation.  Nonverbally the active listener leans forward and makes more eye contact than usual.  Verbally this teacher reflects back to the parent the feelings he or she hears expressed and may try to reverbalize important and complex statements (“I think I hear you telling me…”) to test his or her perceptions.  This type of listening is hard work, and the parent and teacher may feel drained after such a session. 

Good listening skills can be taught!  Listen to what is being said and repeat good ideas.  This encourages active listening.  Do not take over a parent’s problem by offering solutions or making the parent feel guilty by moralizing.  What the active listener does is to try to clarify the problem and help the parent put it in perspective.

Non-listeners: The passive non-listener- Often seems to ‘hear’ what is being said but is not involved in listening to the feeling content of the messages.  This non-listener tends to miss the emotional and feeling messages that are being sent in a conversation.  When adults stop listening and pursue their own thoughts (perhaps a teacher is in a conference with one family, but is thinking about the next conference) the conversation is pointless.

The passive non-listener.

Active non-listener- There can be a great deal of talk, without any listening.  This happens when neither person is interested in what the other has to say.  Both parents and teachers might have an agenda they want to pass along during a conference and they get so tied up in that they forget to listen to what the other is saying.

Active non-listeners

Deterrents to listening:

1. Fatigue-  Listening is work.  If the mind or body is tired a person will be a much poorer listener.  Teachers who have a number of conferences in a row and have really worked at listening will find their minds wandering towards the end of the day.  Make sure to schedule a break for yourself in between a certain amount of conferences.

2. Strong feelings- At times a child can evoke angry feelings.  A cooling off period may be in order before having a conference with the parents.  Perhaps speaking to the school counselor about your own feelings before entering a conference with parents is a wise step.  Other feeling such as sadness and happiness can also make listening difficult.  Taking stock of oneself before entering a conference is wise.

3. Words- The very words we use and hear can make our pulse neat more rapidly, swear appear, and our eyes dilate (imagine your reaction to hearing these words: “You’re fired!” “I’m pregnant!” “Your child has down syndrome.” “This is the police.”).  Teachers must consider carefully the words they use with parents and realize that certain words may deter or end listening on the parent’s part.

4. Teacher talk- A high percentage of teacher talk time in a parent-teacher conference reduces the amount of listening time.  It is not uncommon for teachers to speak for 80 percent of the time in a conference.  This means that many teachers spend very little time listening to parents.  Be aware of the time you spend talking in a conference.

5. The setting- The physical environment can have an effect on listening.  With a great deal of distraction, attending to another person, either visually or auditorially- is difficult.  Think about the seating, offer refreshments, comfortable lighting?  Soft music?

6. Writing- Writing during a conference is a controversial issue.  With some parents writing inhibits the flow of the conversation; with other parents it increases the conversational flow.  Note taking during a conference is usually more effective than tape recording.  Note taking keeps the parents alert to what is being said and how information is being conveyed without making them uncomfortable.

Many things can affect listening behavior in parent-teacher interactions.  By becoming aware of the deterrents to listening, teachers can work on improving their listening skills.

Video on how to listen better (there is a series of videos offered, all short videos on different aspects of becoming an effective listener)-